


A Love That's So Demanding

by Lost Girl (kikideath)



Category: My Chemical Romance, frerard - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-19
Updated: 2014-11-19
Packaged: 2018-02-26 05:49:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2640380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kikideath/pseuds/Lost%20Girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard has some issues and Frank is trying to help.  But is it enough?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Love That's So Demanding

**Author's Note:**

> **I entered this in a contest on dA where the challenge was to incorporate lyrics from a MCR song into the story, hence all the lyrics you'll pick up on.**
> 
> I've had this on dA for ages so it's nothing new. I'm just trying to move my stuff away from dA slowly but surely.
> 
> Critique not desired.

Frank sat hunched forward in his chair, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose as his face hid behind a curtain of dark hair. "Do you need a moment? I can leave." Frank shook his head and sat up, looking hopelessly at his therapist. Dr. Harper gave him a small smile and offered him some water. "Thank you." He said quietly, taking a sip. "So, Frank. How long has it been since Gerard's condition worsened?" Frank slumped in his chair and look up at the ceiling with a huff before he began.

Dr. Harper had been working with Frank for months. Frank's boyfriend of three years, Gerard, had been going through a severe mental decline the last eleven months and Frank was having a hard time coping. He saw Dr. Harper twice a month to help him keep his thoughts straight when Gerard's were too much to handle. "How has his behavior been the last week or so?" Dr. Harper asked, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"Uh... He's been talking to himself a lot more recently. And when he talks to me he talks in circles. He keeps our apartment dark except for the TV and he keeps that on the channels full of static. I work all the time and I can't afford help. His family stopped talking to him a long time ago and I dunno if he takes his meds regularly or if-" Frank stopped and took a shaky breath before reaching for his water again. He sighed once more before continuing.

"Just last night he jumped up and down on the chair in the living room singing 'think happy thoughts' over and over again. It went on for nearly two hours. Before that he talked about riddles, angels, and bullets." Frank stopped again, his thoughts racing faster than he could process them. Dr. Harper scribbled in his note book while Frank collected himself. "Has Gerard ever spoken of hurting himself or others?" Dr. Harper asked him. It was a question he asked every session, Frank assumed it was to make sure Gerard wouldn't overdose or something. "No. I-I don't think so..." Frank muttered. "What do you mean?" Dr. Harper questioned after a moment of silence.

Frank's therapist leaned in and focused, encouraging Frank to speak freely. "He, uh, he talks about angels," he repeated. "And bullets. One day I thought I heard him whisper 'I think I'd love to die alone.' Though, I can't be sure. Or one day he said 'And as the fragments of my skull begin to fall on your tongue like pixie dust...' I asked him about it but he laughed. He laughs at everything and I don't know what to make of it." Dr. Harper nodded as he scribbled away. "I don't know what to do Mr. Harper. I love Gerard. I love him with all of my heart. But I need help." A single tear slowly rolled down Frank's cheek as he sniffled.

Dr. Harper passed him a tissue and waited for him to relax before speaking. "Frank, I think we need to seriously consider changing Gerard's prescriptions and I'd like to suggest that you look into a PCA." Frank looked at him quizzically. "PCA?" "A Personal Care Assistant. Someone who will visit your home daily and help Gerard keep up on his medications, living conditions, and personal cares like showering and brushing his teeth. Is that something you'd consider looking into?" Frank shook his head and opened and closed his mouth several times.

"I can't begin to let you know just what I'm feeling. I don't know where to start or what to think." Dr. Harper nodded in understanding. "I'll send some information home with you. Take your time and look at it when you're ready." Frank nodded and stood, shaking the Dr.'s hand. With a final word of thanks the left the office and walked to his car, dreading the long and silent ride home back to Gerard. 'I wonder what he's gotten himself into today.' Frank thought to himself as he started the drive home.

 

***************************

 

It was dark when Frank pulled up in his driveway. He frowned when he noticed all the lights were off. With a small sigh he made his way into the house, kicking off his shoes and calling out. "Baby? Where are you?" He was met with silence and felt his way through the blackened living room. "Gerard?" Frank jumped when he heard a crash and a loud giggle come from upstairs. He ran upstairs as fast as he could in the dark.

He reached his and Gerard's bedroom and tried the knob. His heart sank as he realized the door was locked. "Gerard?" There was some rustling behind the door and Frank jiggled the handle. "Who is it?" Gerard called from the other side of the door. "Gerard, you know it's me. Frank." Silence followed for a moment. "How can I be sure? What if it's just a temporary stand in for your face?" Frustrated, Frank let his head fall into the door. "If you open the door Gerard you'll see that it's me. You know who I am. Oh baby, let me in. Please."

Frank waited and it was nearly ten minutes before he heard the lock click. He turned the knob and slowly pushed the door open. The room was trashed and in complete darkness except for the TV that Gerard had tuned to static. Frank made out what he could in the dark. All the covers, sheets, and pillows were stripped from the bed. His medications littered the floor and the flat surfaces of the bed side tables and dressers.

"Babe, what have you been doing? I was only gone for three hours. What is all this?" Gerard had climbed into a large chair and he knelt down at sat on his feet, hunched over on the cushion. "What? I've been innocent like roller coasters, trying to figure out this riddle of revenge. As snow falls on desert sky, and the pills. The pills. The pills. The pills..." Gerard's eyes darted across the room at his scattered medication and Frank followed his gaze. "Why did you mix them Gee? Now we don't know what's what." Gerard started to bounce a bit on the balls of his feet. "Of course we do!" He grinned widely.

Frank ran his fingers through his hair as Gerard giggled. "Really? How can you tell?" With out missing a beat Gerard laughed loudly and answered "The red ones make me fly and the blue ones help me fall." "They're all white pills Gerard!" Frank snapped. He didn't mean to, but it was always so hard trying to figure Gerard out. Gerard didn't seem to mind though. He continued laughing and he started mumbling. "Gerard, what would you think of having someone come over to help you?" Frank asked softly. Gerard slowed his bouncing and whipped his head to stare at the flickering TV. "But you don't work here anymore!"

The room went silent as Gerard stared at the TV. "I wouldn't leave you baby. It's just be like, a helper for me. Some one who can keep you company while I work." Gerard stopped bouncing but still stared at the TV. Frank walked over and sat next to him on the arm of the chair, pills crunching under his feet as he moved. "You left my heart an open wound..." Gerard muttered quietly. Frank put a hand on Gerard's leg and his head whipped around to face him. His greasy and knotted hair flying wildly around his head. "Gerard. I'm not going anywhere. I promise." The two men looked at each other for a few minutes before Gerard slapped his hand away and jumped across to the bed.

"You must keep your soul like a secret in your throat!" Gerard shrilled as he fell back on the mattress, kicking his legs wildly at the ceiling while he hummed the Wicked Witch of the West's theme. "What does that mean baby?" Frank asked, tired and unsure what to do. "It means...we spark and fade Frankie. One day I'll make you understand. I can't help but think I'll die alone while counting your face among the living. Living. Living. LIVING!!!" He squealed as he let his legs drop to the mattress and he huffed, out of breath. "ALL WE ARE IS BULLETS!" Gerard laughed loudly before scrambling up and practically jumping into Frank's lap. He wrapped his arms around Frank's neck and pulled him in tight, kissing him deeply before pulling away and staring deep into Frank's eyes.

"Frankie baby? You're not in this alone. Just ride escalators colder than the cell and never be afraid again! It's simple!" He beamed. Frank couldn't help but to smile. I was all so simple in Gerard's world and sometimes Frank envied him for that. "I never thought it'd be this way, just me and you here alone." Gerard whispered, leaning in close so his forehead rested on Frank's. The two kissed again and between kisses he softly whispered 'Don't let them see your back.' As usual, Frank didn't understand it, and he didn't try. He treasured the small moments of normalcy he got with Gerard, even if bits of crazy popped in now and again.

As the two men sat holding one another, Frank felt Gerard smile into the kiss. He couldn't help but to smile back. "What's so funny?" Frank hummed as he rubbed their noses together. "It's a secret." Gerard smiled broader. Frank pretended to pout. "Aw. Don't you trust me babe?" Gerard shrugged and pecked Frank's lips. "From silent dreams we never wake Frankie. Don't you know that? They need to be saved..." He kissed Frank again, this time a bit softer. "A kiss goodbye, your twisted shell." Frank pulled back, shocked. "Goodbye? Where are you going?" Gerard shrugged again and climbed off of Frank, jumping back onto the bed. "We're not working out."

Frank stared at Gerard in disbelief. "What. Why?" Gerard began jumping on the bed, seeming to ignore the still stunned Frank. "You can cry all you want to, I don't care how much you invest yourself in me." Tears streamed down Frank's face as he watched Gerard jump on the bed, his eyes looking everywhere but at Frank. "Are you serious?" Frank tried to ask, though it came out as a whisper between his tears. Gerard continued to jump before shaking his head so wildly he threw himself onto the bed. He landed on his back, his arm and legs sprawled out. His hair fanned around his head like a raven halo. "Gerard?" Frank asked again.

Another moment of silence passed before Gerard rolled to his stomach and smiled at Frank. "No. I just don't want the water to fill up inside that cage you call a chest." Frank sighed a breath of relief and slumped back to the chair. "That wasn't funny Gerard." Gerard laughed all the same, not really understanding. "You left me Frankie. I can tell. Your eyes, vacant and stained... they gave you away," He sighed loudly. "I never thought they'd get me here..." Frank sat silent and still in his chair, fighting to get his heart to calm down. "We'll laugh as we die Frankie. I promise. It'll all be smiles." Frank smiled, hoping Gerard's words were as positive as he took them.

Gerard stared at Frank for a short time watching as the shorter man slid off the chair onto the floor and started picking up some of the pills. He smiled softly as Frank concentrated on picking them up carefully, trying to save the ones that weren't crushed under someones foot. Frank failed to notice as a single tear slowly and silently rolled down Gerard's face. As it trailed down his soft skin he quickly wiped it away. Gerard watched Frank a bit longer before he rolled over to the other side of the bed and reached underneath, pulling something out and quickly reaching over to shut off the TV, laughing as Frank called out at the sudden loss of light. "This is for the best Frankie. You need to smile again!"

Frank heard the mattress squeak as Gerard stood to his feet and started jumping up and down. "Gerard, turn the TV back on..." Gerard ignored him and kept jumping. Frank stumbled through the room to find the light switch, and after a moment he found it and flipped it upwards. Gerard shrilled. "The light bulb's gone. All gone!" Frank stuck his tongue out even though it couldn't be seen, thinking this was just another one of Gerard's games. "There's still the TV Gerard..." Again, Gerard was silent and the sound of his jumping could still be heard. Frank stumbled over the pills and the bedding on the floor, trying to get to the TV. Gerard began to sing.

"Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts..." Frank smiled in the dark, still fumbling for the TV. "Gerard, please stop jumping on the bed. We can't afford a new one if it breaks." Gerard paid him no mind and kept jumping and singing. "Think happy thoughts! Think happy thoughts! Think happy thoughts! Think happy thoughts! Think happy thoughts!!!!" Frank was nearly to the TV when Gerard hollered, scaring him back. "FRANK!" He shrilled. Frank laughed at himself for scaring so easily and faced the bed in the dark. "Yes love?"

Gerard was laughing and shouting now. The same words over and over as he jumped harder and harder. "THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS! THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS! THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS! THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS! THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS! THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS!!!! THINK HA-"

In an instant Frank fell to his knees, his hands clasped tightly over his ears in a vain attempt to stop the ringing that exploded within them. He screamed. He screamed until his lungs burned while tears soaked his jeans. He stayed on the floor, sobbing, his hands still clutching his ears. He didn't want to move. He was too afraid to face what he knew was waiting for him. After fifteen minutes of sitting clenched in a ball, Frank let his arms drop as his shoulders still shook with silent tears. He was afraid to keep moving.

After another twenty minutes Frank slowly made his way to his feet and he shuffled to the TV, reaching out a shaky hand to turn it on. When he did, he stared at the static for a while, not ready to face reality. "Think happy thoughts..." he whispered to himself, shuffling his feet and turning to face the bed. It took a few minutes for Frank to register what he was seeing. He was crying, but felt numb to everything, as if he was trapped in the worst of nightmares. Gerard lay motionless across the bed, a gun at his side. His head and arms hung over the side of the mattress away from Frank, the wall behind the bed splattered in blood. He looked as if he'd fall to the floor any second. Frank stared and mumbled to himself. "We'll laugh as we die... You're not in this alone. Think happy thoughts. Think..."


End file.
